Carry On Contest

I cannot for the life of me explain the works of music, or artist like Chris Cornell that has numerous times picked me up from the gutter, dusted me off and gave me the urge to continue. I was first introduced to Chris, when running in from being outside playing baseball in the backyard with my siblings. I remember I came dashing in and the video for Black Hole Sun was on and I sat on the arm of the couch and just watched. Who was this guy? What is this at only 9 and half years old I had other worries to focus on, you know like boy bands or Barbies or other little kid things. However, in my life things have always been much different. I was the only Nada Surf fan, well more so the only one who knew of Nada Surf, not only that but a well known Weezer fan. Being introduced to Soundgarden gave me an introduction to Jeff Buckley as well. Thanks to my Mother she introduced me to some amazing artist of her time, being a kid listening to music is one thing, if it doesnt match the liking of your friends then its considered something else to them. Id listen to this music that others at the time called crap or just the flavor of the month due to the popularity of the bands and what not, however in my case it wasnt even that. It was simply the music, always has been simply the music for myself. I believe artists are not defined by their genre of music they are able to make, but by the lyrics and countless ways they are able to touch millions who too within those minutes of song feel somewhat connected. A small understanding that leaks its way through when listening.

Every time I have a chance to listen to Black Hole Sun it takes me back to that night in my house sitting on the arm of the couch, it brings back the thoughts I had, it brings back a small taste of my childhood, a childhood like many find its way out the window once you get older.

My mother was killed in a car accident in October of 2002. It was three days before my 18th birthday, a few months before my sisters wedding, a month after my little brothers birthday and two weeks before my older brothers birthday. A huge tasteless loss has chipped its way onto my shoulder and for the most part has sat its way on there like a parrot to a greedy, heartless pirate. Throughout that time I listed a lot of music to help ease the pain. I remember a week after her accident I was driving in the car with my sister and Say Hello To Heaven came on the radio, the part that has always stuck with me and rings more than true is, love heals all wounds with time, now it seems like too much love is never enough and thats true. Never did I realize that all of who I was with kept telling me and reassuring me that, everything will end up being okay although even now five years later things are better, but theyve never mounted to being Okay. I had forgotten about this song until that day when it came on the radio, and it lured me back to listening to more Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog and just Cornell music all in general.

Towards the beginning of the new semester my senior year Audioslave came about, Like a Stone was a song I use to listen to all the time and sometimes I find myself listening to it randomly and remember pulling up to the student parking lot jamming out to it. Its what saved me I believe, not so much the song itself just the music all together. It was amazing, here it was something that reminded me of home in the deepest sense following me again. Although, I admit there are plenty of times where Im out on a drive and Im thinking about my Mother and a Cornell related song pops up, its as if its a constant reminder that shes still around for me, whatever spiritual way youd like to take that. All I wanted was to be there at one of Chris Cornells performances and witness what so many have witnessed, to be apart of a world that was all about the music, and now I find myself there. Im quite content in knowing that with all the good in the world, theres a fan of Cornells music hiding amongst it. There are so many memories of Chris music, one memory that always sticks out to me is when I was 14 and how I wanted to see Chris Cornells solo tour, however my Mother wouldnt let me because her view of downtown was, bunch of crazy people, who will convert you to their crazy ways I remember one of our fights was over this and I can still hear her yelling in the back of my head saying, AND I HOPE YOU DO GET TO SEE CHRIS CORNELL ONE DAY, AND WHILE YOURE THERE I HOPE YOURE DRINKING A BEER! it was the only thing I could think about when I finally had my chance at his Stubbs performance on April 29th. I remember standing there watching him perform Black Hole Sun and as I stood there with my Lonestar in my hand it had all came full circle, a smile spread across my face and it was like, I did it. I was able to close the chapter on my wants, and close the chapter with that argument I had with my mother at the young age of 14 where youre bitter and hate everyone but your music player. I had finally gave the youngster in me a hug and let it begone. I have never found myself to be a true fan for anything, never had an interest as long as I have with listening to Cornells music. Ive also never came across such devoted fanbase, who too are in it for only the music. There is just too much that always results me back with Chris Cornell, sometimes a bit too much when Im able to sit down and truly analyze it all. My life now is exactly where I want it to be, I made a dream of mine come true, a pure honest want of seeing him perform has happened and I have been able to share my experiences with others who too have had that, as well as those who too have witnessed it. Its more than just an experience, its more than just a life altering chance of being in the presence of someone you value more than you idolize. Its hidden within the pit of your stomach the moment he walks out on stage and you get to witness it all in person. With this wishing well of thoughts I abide you, I hope you too, one day, are able to pick up the pieces, dust them off and start anew with this puzzle of chipped and damaged goods. Who knows where it might take you, but whatever it has in store, I hope with it in mind you are able to pick and choose your battles, let go as often as you hold on, carry out as much as you can carry on.....

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